Ah, mutated MormonAds

Remember those MormonAds that you used to see all the time? Well, Divine Comedy (a comedy group at BYU) has really had a good time with them. I think this was about the funniest one:

And the results are in...

Okay, I know you've all been anxiously waiting for the results of my little contest, so here they are.

1. With 1.5 points, my Dad.
2. With 1.33 points, my Mother, and my sweet wife, Nicole
3. With 1 point, Insanity, Mari, and Bob

So, I know you're all wanting to know what the answers are, so here ya go:

1. I have never performed CPR on a human being. Lots of training dummies, but no people
2. I gave varying degrees of partial credit for this one: First, they are saying that you need to know how to protect your PC, but they are using a picture of an Apple MacBook Pro with the luminous apple photoshopped out. They are saying that you need to protect your PC from viruses and spyware, but Macs don't suffer from viruses and spyware. Finally they mention that you should get anti-virus software, when there is only one company that makes anti-virus for Mac and it sucks. So there you have it.
3. "What is and what should never be" is the title of one of my favorite Led Zeppelin songs. I'll play it for ya sometime if ya remind me.

What is and what should never be...

So today I saw a funny article on the Popular Mechanics website. 25 things a man should know how to do.
While I can think of a few things on the list that I wouldn't necessarily have on such a list, and a few not there that should have been, it was fun. Incidentally, I know how to do all of them, and have actually done all but one. So now we're going to have a little game, the winner of which will get a prize, determined by me when I see who wins. The game will consist of 3 questions.

1. Name the thing on the list (there's only 1 of the 25) that I haven't actually done.
2. The picture above is a screenshot of one of the items. There is something seriously wrong with it. Name what that wrong thing is.
3. What is the significance of the title of this post?

You may post your answers in comments, as I'm not the best blog keeper-upper in the world. Good luck.

Visitors...

We recently (last weekend) enjoyed a visit by Natalie, Jay and the munchkins. Despite the fact that I am bogged down in the middle of a semester and spent a good chunk of the time on campus or in our office room working on projects, it was great to have them. Nicole had someone to talk chick-stuff to, I watched most of Eragon with Jay (Nicole won't watch that and many other movies that I like) and I was constantly amused by 2 and 4-year-old-isms. Every morning when I got up, and when I came home from school, or when I came out of the office after a while, I was greeted by Chelsea's cheerful little, "Hi Awix!" Every so often while working on my projects, Jayden would wander by and say, "What your doing, Awix?" That, combined with his cheerful, "Hey! What your name is?" when my Mom stopped by with our pumpkins, took me back to my (much) younger days growing up on Army bases and hearing the same kind of phrasing from my (older than Jayden) friends.

We had a great time while they were here. Nicole and I introduced Natalie and Jay to "Munchkin", our current favorite time-sink, we watched a couple of movies together, and Jay brought some of his tasty chili. So thanks for coming guys, and come back any time.

Some of my favorite pics from the visit:

Chelsea finally tolerating my presence because "the wittle puppy show" was on:
Jayden knows good footwear when he sees it (when you're that small it doesn't matter which foot you put them on)
Clearly this is someone who knows what is coming next...
Who doesn't like cupcake batter?

Better late than never...

Well, Nicole and Natalie have pretty much covered the Newport Beach trip this year, so I'll just say that any week I have 2 gyros at the Mad Greek in Baker is a good week, even when I'm sick for half of it. Here are a few of my favorite shots from the trip.

I'm rather proud of my steady hand.
This was a 1 second shutter opening just before the fireworks.
Ostensibly a "tame" ride, those rocket ships can pull some serious G's if you go all the way up and then head for the deck as fast as you can drop.
For good reason, Mater is probably my favorite character from Cars.
Apparently Chelsea likes him too: "Mater, a-funny Mater"
Believe it or not, Sleeping Beauty's Castle is one of my favorite sights at Disneyland.
Jayden sure loved his Mickey Ears Hat, not to mention the carousel.
Chelsea and I both love It's a Small World. And look how we're wearing matching shirts...
Me and an old friend.
Someday I'm going to build and program my own R2-D2 to clean up after me.
I like naps, although it appears that Chelsea didn't quite get the concept...
The Tallest One (Nicole's Grandma L*) got a kick out of my signature vacation facial hair.

Warning!

While we were in St. George for our anniversary we made a small trip to the bike shop. While talking to one of the guys there I learned that what I thought was a relatively harmless crack in the shell of my helmet could be very dangerous, and that any time a helmet takes a significant impact it should be replaced. So I picked up a new helmet.

The fun part started when I began reading the manual that came with it, and the warning stickers on the inside. Some examples:

WARNING: No protective headgear can protect the helmet wearer against all foreseeable impacts.

So don't get shot in the head while wearing this helmet?

Your helmet will not protect against injury in all types of accidents. Even while wearing a helmet, low speed accidents may result in serious head injury or death.

Yeah, so go faster and you won't get hurt as bad?

Because every accident scenario is different, it is impossible to know whether use of a helmet will provide partial or complete protection. Studies have shown that you are better off with a helmet than without one.

"You might live through it" is better than "You won't live through it" after all.

WARNING: Do not take risks just because you are wearing a helmet.

Don't be stupid.

Note: The useful life of your helmet may be less than five years as a result of exposure to sunlight, rough handling/storage that results in dents or cuts or as a result of heavy use.

I guess. I'm on my 3rd helmet in 3 years.

And finally, my two favorites.

A bicycle helmet does not protect what it doesn't cover, and as noted it may not protect what it does cover. A bicycle helmet will not protect against injuries to the spine, neck, or face.

We make no guarantees. At all.

WARNING: A bicycle helmet is for bicycling only! Always wear a helmet when bicycling. When you get off your bicycle, remove your helmet. Do not wear a helmet while climbing trees, in play areas, on playground equipment, or, at any time while not riding a bicycle. Adults: Instruct children to follow this warning. Failure to follow this warning could result in serious injury, death by strangulation, death.

A: Apparently sombody sued because their 10-year-old fell off the merry-go-round while still wearing his bike helmet and died anyway. B: Apparently death by strangulation is not as bad as death.

My own little artistic touch...

Yes, Alex can take a picture also. Here are a few of my favorites from our little anniversary trip.

The last 4 years

Well, Nicole and I got married 4 years ago today. Most of you have probably read her blog today, which pretty much sums us up. Most people who knew us both separately before we were married thought we were both crazy. Most people who knew her and met me thought she was crazy. Most people who knew me and met her thought I was crazy. Crazy or not, the last 4 years have been the best of my life. We've both had to give up a few things, and pick up a few things, and given that we are both in school we don't always have the time/resources to do things that we'd really like to do or that we grew up doing, but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Here are a few pics from the last 4 years.

The big day:











My first trip to Hawai'i:











A new world for Nicole:









A new world for me:












One of our favorite places to be:









It's been lots of fun. Luv ya babe.

Senior year thingey...

I thought everyone that reads both my blog and Nicole's would get a kick out of this...
1. Who was your favorite teacher? I'd probably have to say my band teacher Mr. Sorbe (aka "Sir") I played the bass guitar for our jazz/pep band and my brother the drums, and every now and then Sir would bust out the trombone and man, that guy can get down. The whole class except me, my brother, and Sir would be laughing their heads off (Nathan and I usually were too, but you can play drums and bass guitar while laughing).
2. Were you considered a flirt? I had a girlfriend who lived 250 miles away in Pleasant Grove, so not so much. Plus, most of the girls I would have flirted with had already dogged me by then, and I spent most of my time in the weight room so I'd have to say no.

3. Who was your best friend? My guitar, my gun and my dog Kane. The closest thing to a best friend I had was Sherri, the sister of the guys I worked with.

4. What did you drive? I drove a '76 Dodge Ram 3/4 ton with a 400 horsepower big-block or my mom's little Chevy Spectrum, which went some places it had no business being able to go...

5. What sports did you play? I wrestled and ran the 100 and 400 meter dash. I would have done cross-country and played football but my high school didn't have either.
6. It's Friday night, where are you? In the fall, out shooting or camping. In the winter or spring, going to bed early because I usually had a very early, very long bus ride to a wrestling tournament or track meet on Saturday morning.
7. Were you in the band, orchestra, or chorus? I was in the concert band (I played the baritone), and the jazz/pep band (I played the guitar and bass guitar). I was the bane of the orchestra teacher's existence, and she probably wouldn't have let me in the orchestra if I had wanted to be.

8. Where did you sit during lunch? By myself. My high school didn't have a cafeteria so we ate lunch at the grade school. I could run down there faster than everyone else could drive, so I was usually done eating by the time 2/3 of the school got there.

9. Who did you take to Senior Prom? We didn't have a "Senior Prom" but I took Jenny Lamb (the girl from Pleasant Grove) to the Junior Prom that year.

10. Can you sing the fight song? Not even a little bit. I know that the phrase, "Down in the valley" is in there somewhere...

11. What was your favorite class? Heh heh. Half of my senior year I had released time work study for 4 hours. Other than that, I'd say the track & field PE class or band.

12. Were you a nerd? Does being the school AutoCAD guru make me a nerd? Or being the only person in the school who liked Dungeons and Dragons? I graduated 2nd in my class and turned down whatever graduation thing goes to the 2nd ranked person. If the difference between an A- and an A was 10 minutes of studying I would have taken the A- and spent the 10 minutes in the weight room. So I guess you could say that there were arguments for and against me being a nerd. I sure am now though, hee hee.

13. Did you have a job senior year? I had a job every year from 6th grade on. Senior year I had released time work study for 4 hours a day doing construction work at the Zion Ponderosa Resort. I helped build almost everything you'll see there.14. If you can go back and do it over, would you? The only thing I can say is I'd wrestle 152 instead of 140. I decided that just after wrestling season was over, so I can say it. I had gotten in the worst of my trouble before my senior year, and overall had a pretty good time. So I'd just change weight classes, and I only said that because I thought of it then.

15. What did you do after graduation? I went to Lake Powell on Saturday, flew to Salt Lake City on Monday to get re-sworn in to the Army, and flew to Basic Training on Tuesday. Some party, eh?

She's Back!!!

As most of you know, Nicole was gone last week helping her sister start to get settled in their new home. For lack of anything better to do, I kept a tally of sorts while she was gone.

Food:
Pounds of meat eaten: 6
Gallons of milk drunk: 1
Otter-Pops eaten: 75 (plus or minus a few...)
Gallons of Gatorade drunk: 2
J-Dawgs eaten: 1
Quarts of ice cream eaten: 2
Boxes of brownie mix used/eaten: 1

Recreation:
Action movies watched (that Nicole won't watch with me): 5
Miles ridden on my bike: 32
Miles ridden off the pavement: 16
Characters created for Dungeons and Dragons Online Games: 2

Other:
Hours of sleep: 24 (I don't sleep very good when Nicole is gone)
Days I cooked on the grill: 5 (of 7)
Programming projects done: bits and pieces of 3

Just what religion do you belong to, anyway?

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I'm well aware that my own religious beliefs are quite different than those of some other faiths. I served my mission in Toronto, Canada which according to the UN is the most multi-cultural city in the world. As such, it's only natural that it's quite a diverse place when it comes to religion as well. Over the course of my mission, I spoke to people from over 145 countries and MANY more religions. I attended services for several different churches (mostly Christian, although I did go to a Sikh Gurudwara once). I discovered that there were many (almost all Christian) different faiths that held at least a handful of beliefs similar to ours. However, since everyone is unique, everyone has a different "take" on the principles of his or her religion.

The other day at work, my boss mentioned the "Belief-O-Matic" quiz at Beliefnet.com as being very interesting. So I went to take a look and was quite amused with what I found. The quiz asks some questions about your beliefs, as well as the priority you place on each religious topic, then displays the religions you may "match" based on your answers. I posted my results here. So there you have it. Check it out, and see what other religions you agree or disagree with.

NOTE: This is NOT meant to be any kind of public statement of the beliefs of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or any other religion.

Why do I do it?

Today marked my first off-road mountain-bike ride of the summer. I rode with a friend from the ward up to the mouth of Slate Canyon, then along the Bonneville Shoreline Trail north to Rock Canyon. I now understand why most people who ride that segment do so going south. We found some pretty darn steep hills, so steep in some places that even I, a certified crazy fool, would be a little scared going down hill. As Mr. Murphy is a close friend of mine, during one struggle up a ridiculously steep grade I hit a patch of trail covered in loose rocks, my front tire stuck and turned, and I started to tip over. No worries, I thought, I've done this thousands of times. But the problem was, I'm riding on new pedals this summer and the degree of ankle twist to unclip is a little more than it used to be. So down I went. It was a little bit comical, as all instances of inability to unclip in time are, and I picked up the following treasure (not nearly as much of an inconvenience as the one pictured above, so small it barely bled at all, even in the remaining 45 minutes of the ride). I had a good little laugh, brushed the dirt off, and we went on about our merry way. We climbed some more hills, bombed down a couple (not nearly as long as the uphill sides) and then finished our ride with a brisk trip through the eastern bench streets home.

Nicole (and possibly some of you) wonders why I enjoy and have always enjoyed, any hobby, sport, or recreational activity that can cause bloodshed. Partly, it's because I grew up that way and a little blood was never much more than a reason for some of my "favorite" sayings, such as "Scars are proof," or "If you ain't bleedin', you ain't tryin'," or maybe "Chicks dig scars." Since past action is only partially responsible for my enjoyment of activities that are likely to cost me some skin, and since I've been trying to figure out what draws me to things like mountain biking and rock climbing and other "extreme" or "action" sports, I think I finally figured it out (with the help of Nicole's blog post tonight). I sit at a desk and fix computers all day, except for the days (which I enjoy) when I get to crawl around in ceiling tiles and on ladders pulling new network cable. Now seriously don't get me wrong here, I LOVE my job. I am a computer geek and my job is a computer geek's dream. However, my job doesn't really allow for much of the adrenaline rush that I got regularly when I was growing up. So, despite (and partially because of) the fact that I fairly frequently leave bits and pieces of hide along the trail, I love riding off-road because it makes me feel alive. As much as I love computers and fixing/tinkering with them, there's no wind blowing past my ears at my desk. There's no up-and-down, think fast or crash, rattling along the trail as fast as I dare (or maybe almost as fast) when I'm working. Even on my training rides, which take place on "safe" paved surfaces, the wind doesn't feel as fresh, and the hills feel more like exercise than adventure.

So yes, I am admittedly, certifiably crazy. I can sit at a desk in front of a computing problem for 9 hours without getting tired of it. But, every now and then, I need more. I need fresh air blowing in my face, sweat soaking the liner of my helmet, my bike rattling beneath me, grind my slow way up the hills and fly down the other side, through the river and through the woods good times. I've lost plenty of blood and skin in my life, and a little bit more every now and then is nowhere near too high a price to really feel alive. So stay tuned this summer for some more mountain bike posts.

Cars Part Two: A new little friend.

Yes, I'm finally getting around to it. We have had a new member of our family for the last couple weeks, so here goes:

Things I love about Yeti:
1. Despite the fact that he has an automatic transmission (which technically should be in the "don't love" column) he has cool paddle shifters that control the automatic transmission and provide almost as much control over the transmission as I would like.
2. Despite the fact that he has an automatic transmission and a fairly small engine, he is surprisingly responsive and peppy. He's not going to beat much of anything off the line, but he gets going much more quickly than Merlin did.
3. He has a startlingly large amount of room inside for such a small car. I have a good 6 or 8 inches of head room, and more knee room than I did in Merlin. Nicole's dad, while skeptical at first, said "I could ride comfortably in the back seat of this car, even all the way to St. George." My boss got in the passenger seat, looked up, and said, "Whoah!"
4. He has really bright headlights and good bright fog-lights. This (the headlights) was a feature I loved about my Civic (I did really wish my Civic had fog-lights), and growled about with Merlin. This was one of the few things that Consumer Reports hadn't given stellar ratings on, but given that they bombed the headlights on the 2001 Civic and I liked them anyway, I thought I'd take a chance. I'm vindicated.
5. He gets very good mileage. Our worst tank (actually the only full tank we've bought so far) was lots of city driving and lots of high-ish revs (traffic is a little crazy in Orem these days due to insane construction). and was a grand total of $26, totalling between 30 and 31 mpg. Big smiles when we're used to spending $40 to fill up, and getting around 20 mpg in city driving.
6. He has a 200 watt stereo with an MP3-capable CD player. This means my 16+ hour classic rock playlist fits on 2 CD's. The volume control goes to 40, and even I can't handle much more than 20 unless we're on the freeway going fast with the windows down.
7. He has real cup-holders. While Merlin's cup-holders barely held the bottom of a pop-can by less than an inch, these things take care of business, dwarfing a pop can and having no problem at all with the bucket-like large drink from Subway. They are even lit from above so you don't knock over your drink when you go reaching down there in the dark.
8. He sounds great. Honda Fits are in a unique position that most of them are sold before they even get to the States. Therefore, most dealers mark them up $1,000 over MSRP as soon as they hit the lot. Ken Garff Downtown in Salt Lake was good enough to add actual features for this, including aftermarket black rims (we didn't keep those--to much $$$), all season rubber floormats (we like), a sport grill insert (cheap so we kept it) and a Honda Racing sport muffler which we kept because we liked the white car better than the black one they had and taking off the muffler would have taken a day or so. The result is that you get this nice low-frequency growl at the lower rpm range (from 1000 to about 2300 rpm) and a very pleasant (to me) hum in the upper rpm range. I like it.
9. He's quite a sporty looking car. The Sport model, which we bought for the cruise control and aluminum rims) also has an underbody kit which adds greatly to the visual effect of the car, making the Sport model not look like a little granny grocery getter.
10. He places Nicole and I a little closer to each other. In Merlin it was a bit of a reach to hold hands across the way, but Yeti makes it nice and close.
11. And last but not least, he leaves lots of room around him in a parking space. At school, where they only paint the lines about half as long as "real" parking spaces, he only sticks out about 2 feet, and he leaves plenty of room for getting out the doors, even when people are parked close to the line in adjoining spaces. He also parallel parks like a dream.



Things I don't like (as much) about Yeti:
1. I would really have preferred a manual transmission. Due to the small size of the engine, it would be nice to be able to launch at a higher rpm if you were in a hurry to get across an intersection or something. This turned into a real deal-breaker with Merlin due to the fact that he had no guts until the turbo started making boost.
2. Yeah, that's pretty much it. What can I say, he's a definite keeper.

It's Mother's Day...

So it's time for a little tribute to some of the mother's I've come to appreciate in my life.

1. First and foremost, my own little mother. Nobody could have been as much help in some of the down times in my younger life as someone who had been picked on perhaps even more ruthlessly than I was when we first moved home to Orderville. What did I learn from my mother? To cook, clean, sew (enough to get by), to read, to "rise above", "this too shall pass", that people who are mean to you have problems of their own, that someone who doesn't really like to drive in the bad weather can drive halfway across the state to watch her son play basketball, or wrestle, or run around a track; that mothers pray for and worry about their children because it's part of the job description, and so many more things that I could never write them all. Happy Mother's Day Mom, I could never thank you enough for all you've done for me.

2. My Grandma Esplin. A large chunk of my life has included regular trips to grandma Esplin's house, where we kids were always welcome. Grandma's house always smelled like cookies, or cake, or brownies, or bread. There was always raisins to eat, a room to play in if it was cold outside, and someone to worry about how we were going to get hurt. Grandma was always interested in what we were doing (even if she didn't approve of my choice in music) and always came running from the back of the house with a smile and a hug whenever we showed up. Not much has really changed over the years. There's still a happy hug when I stop by, and a good visit because I don't need a room to play in anymore. Happy Mother's Day Grandma, and we'll see you guys soon.

3. My Grandma Sorensen. Another large chunk of my life included stopping in a Grandma Sorensen's house for lunch when we'd been out squirrel hunting with Grandpa Doc all morning. There's nothing like a good hot bowl of macaroni soup, a few slices of cucumber, a tomato sandwich, and some cottage cheese, followed by helping Grandpa watch a movie with our eyes closed, when you've been out in the dust all morning (especially when you've been walking in the dust because Grandpa Doc got stuck and stranded again). I always appreciated that whenever I had a pair of pants that was beyond mom's time frame or ability to repair, I could take them to Grandma and get them fixed while I chopped some firewood, then eat some home-made pop-sickles on that rickety old rusty front porch swinging couch thing. I always appreciated how much Grandma enjoyed going to the Temple in St. George with mom, and how she was looking forward to going with me for the first time. I remember how sad I was that it was only a week before I went that she died. Happy Mother's Day Grandma, I miss you.

4. My mother-in-law, Hen. You hear so many mother-in-law stories that I feel truly blessed to have such a good one. Hen appreciates and encourages my geek-ness, even when Nicole is ready to whack me. Hen always has a plan, and unlike some other plan-oriented people I've known, doesn't freak out when the plan needs to be altered. Happy Mother's Day Hen, and thank you for making me feel so welcome in your family.

5. My sister, Miranda. Miranda has always been such a great sister, and I've looked up to her achievements. She's always known what she wanted and not been afraid to do it (except a ferret? Really?). She graduated from high school already with an Associates Degree (while I, at 27, have 2 more years left of undergrad), and is a very good mother to her children. Good enough to let me and Peter have our "alone" time together even though he was crying his little head off and was not at all happy with his Uncle Alex for trying to get him to sleep. Even though we don't talk or see each other as much as we'd like to, it's fun to see them when we can. Happy Mother's Day Miranda, you've always been a good sister, and now a great mother.

6. My sister-in-law, Natalie. I have a hard enough time just surviving each semester with passing grades, and I have no clue how she accomplishes everything she does with her two crazy, lovable kids. Even if much of her accomplishing involves Target and other such chick-stores, it's a considerable accomplishment. Happy Mother's Day Mari, and thanks for letting me be the Favorite Uncle for Jayden and Chelsea.

7. Last, but definitely not least, my dear wife, Nicole. Even though we don't have children of our own, she is already a mother. To Natalie's kids (until it's time to be the bad guy, which is my job), and to all of the "named entities" in our life, she already has it down. She tells me to be safe when I go biking, and greets me with a big smile when I get home (from a distance because I'm stinky and icky). Happy Pre-Mother's Day babe, I love you.