Happy Endings

Well, yesterday was my grandpa's funeral. Having grown up in a small town with lots of older folks in it, I've been to my fair share of funerals for those who've lived long, full lives and were ready to move on. In addition, I've been to some for those who I wasn't ready to have move on without me, starting with my Uncle Daniel's little baby girl Shannon (who was stillborn) and my grandma on my mom's side, who died at the age of 57, one month before I went on my mission. Possibly the saddest funeral I've ever been to was that of one of my best friends from my mission, who died 4 years after he came home, and less than 2 years after getting married.

Our lives are stories, and my grandpa's is one I'd dearly like to have seen firsthand. And yet, as I look back at what I know of my grandpa's life, his has shaped mine, and many of the qualities I so admired in him have occasionally peeked through in me.

Grandpa spent several years living out with the sheep herd, and later working cows. I spent a lot of my spare time in high school wandering around (on foot or in my truck) out in the desert and up on the mountain, in many of the places my grandpa had been years before.

It was partially because of him that I joined the Army, and he and my dad taught me how to spit-shine my first issued pair of boots. Occasionally when things got a little hard at Basic Training and AIT, the knowledge that my grandpa (and my dad) had been there before helped me to keep going.

Grandpa was an excellent cook, although not one to really use recipes. He just put stuff together and it always tasted good. With some help from my dad, I also am not a recipe cook, and my meals almost always turn out pretty darn good.

Grandpa was a quiet joker. He never said much, but you could always tell that there was a little glint of mischief in his eyes, waiting for the chance to come out, and some of my clearest memories of my grandpa were when he was pulling a joke on someone. I'm not nearly as quiet as Grandpa was, and my jokes are a little more frequent and usually a little less subtle than some of his, but you know...

Grandpa just kept on going. My mom used to say he could teach the Energizer Bunny a thing or two about that, and it's true. I mentioned the other day his ability to wear me into the ground when I went hunting with him when I was a kid. It never quite sunk in to me that those walks (runs, for me) all over creation when I had to run to keep up, and would be _very_ tired the rest of the day, were when he was 70 years old. And all that wood we hauled, when I couldn't hardly stack fast enough to keep ahead of him were when he was closer to 80 than 70. You'll have to ask me in 50 years whether or not I measure up to him in that respect, but the one thing I've always been able to do in my life, no matter how hard things have been, is just keep on going.

Grandpa's life definitely left its mark on him. As long as I can remember, he's had kind of a hunch to his back, and the last several years he said it took him a little longer to get going in the mornings than it used to. However, I never heard him complain about it. When he said it was a little harder for him to get around than it used to be, it was merely a statement of fact, usually immediately followed by him telling me that no, I didn't need to cut and haul firewood for him, because if I did he wouldn't have anything to do. As young as I am, I'm not a complete stranger to this. A foot I broke a few years ago causes me to limp for about 5 minutes when I wake up, and one or both of my elbows (which took a lot of strain from construction work and high school wrestling) sometimes seize up, and won't move (in either direction) until they pop. Nicole likes to play cards sitting on the floor, and if I play for more than 15 minutes or so, it takes me a good 3 or 4 minutes to stand up completely straight and walk normally again. And yet I miss working outside, with my hands, and I can't wait to have a yard to work in, and take my kids (if we're ever able to have any) to go cut wood up in the mountains with their grandpa.

And now to endings. Grandpa was an incredible man. He lived a full, long life, and was a great grandpa. I don't know much about many of the trials he may have faced, or things he might have struggled with, but I do know that all my life he's always been the same. Sure, he was a little more frail the last couple of years, but that didn't change him much in my eyes. Last Friday, he cut my uncle Richard's hair, had Grandma cut his hair, hauled in some wood for the stove, watched Logan cut up some kindling, built a fire, and sat down in his chair to watch the evening news, just a day like almost every other day for the past several years. He died peacefully, at the end of a normal day. None of us can think of a better way or time for him to go, and we know we'll see him again someday. I, for one, can't wait to see him tall and sturdy as my dad and uncles knew him. Now that's what I call a happy ending. Or beginning. Or maybe both.

Grandpa, me, Mike, and Nathan

Gone but never forgotten...

Friday evening while Nicole and I were at Carrabba's for our Valentines date I got a phone call from my grandma's number. Normally, I don't answer or return calls when out with Nicole, but my grandma _never_ calls me. So I checked my voicemail to discover my dad telling me that my grandpa (his dad) had passed away earlier that afternoon. Although it was not entirely unexpected, as he was 90 years old and finally starting to slow down, I found myself sadder than I thought I'd be (most who know me know I'm not emotional about much at all). After Carrabba's, I took Nicole to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (we'd already been, but Nicole _really_ liked it, so I figured we'd go again) and I have to say, watching that movie on a "normal" day (we saw it for Nicole's birthday the first time) is one thing, but watching it an hour after learning that my grandpa died was a totally different experience, and not in a bad way.

When we got home that evening, Nicole of course had to blog about the movie again, and I figured that we'd be going to bed fairly soon, so I didn't start working on homework. So I sat and remembered things about my grandpa. Here are some of my thoughts about a truly incredible man:

1. 20 years ago, I never wanted to be the one to go with Grandpa when we split up while hunting, because I had to run the whole time to keep up, and he never seemed to slow down. Ever.

2. A large part of the reason I switched from wanting to be a fighter pilot when I was that little to wanting to be in the Army was when I learned that Grandpa had served in World War 2, and his dad (my great-grandpa) had served in France in World War 1.

3. A few years later, when I was big enough to do actual work when we would go cut firewood but still young enough that I didn't realize exactly how old he was, I began to take it for granted that stacking on Grandpa's side of the truck meant that I had to stack fast, because he would hand wood up into the truck much faster than I could stack it, and he never seemed to slow down. Ever.

4. As long as I can remember, Grandpa has had a fairly significant hunch, which I learned about the same time (age 13 or 14 or so) had come partly because of having several inches of his small intestine removed after being shot 5 times in a failed robbery of the rock and jewelry shop he and my grandma ran at the time (early 70's) and partly from working _very_ hard his entire life. Grandpa's toughness and resiliency took on a whole new meaning for me then.

5. When I got older and started wandering around the Arizona Strip and Cedar Mountain by myself (well, with my gun and my dog) I would spend some evenings sitting in Grandpa's room telling him where I'd been, and listening to what he had done in those same places. I learned a _lot_ about the places I loved to be from him. I learned where the deer went during different seasons, where the eagles wintered, and a host of other things from these evening visits.

6. We used to sit around listening to Grandpa's stories every now and then, and let me tell you, he's been there and done that (at least as far as outdoor things are concerned).

7. I don't think I'll ever have sourdough biscuits as good as the ones Grandpa used to make.

8. Dad, Grandpa and I (sometimes with my mom along for the ride) used to go scouting for the place we'd go roll Easter Eggs every Easter. Despite the fact that we went every year, he always knew where there was another sandy hill that would make a good egg-rolling track.

9. After I got home from Basic Training, Dad and I would spend evenings talking to Grandpa again about different places around Southern Utah, what animals lived where, what we'd seen out riding around, etc...

10. Grandpa had a sense of humor. One evening in the fall probably in the early-to-mid-90's when most of the family was there and we were bottling veggies, Grandpa starting making the rounds with spoonfuls of his pickle-relish. It was yummy, until the little red chilis he had put in it kicked in, at which time he'd laugh and bring a glass of water.

11. On another occasion, Grandpa laughed for about 15 minutes straight at Mom's reaction to something that she wished she hadn't said. First time I'd ever seen him laugh so hard he cried. If you were there, you know what I'm talking about. If you weren't there, you'll have to ask me in person as I won't incriminate anybody or anything on my blog. :) (don't worry, it's nothing very bad)

12. Even as he got older (as if mid-70's isn't old enough to start slowing down) and started to slow down a little, he still chopped and carried in his own firewood, fed and took care of my uncle's animals, grew a garden (until just a year or two ago) and did the same stuff he'd always done, just not quite as much of it.

I have far too many memories of Grandpa to list them all here, but I'll always remember the time I spent with him, sitting by the wood stove, sitting in their living room, sitting on the chest in his bedroom while he rested in the evenings. For a lot of years of my life, Grandpa was a central figure in things I liked to do: hunting, hiking, camping and many others. I learned many valuable life lessons from him, not the least of which is to just keep on going. and going.

So I'll miss my grandpa. He's always been there, and always been such a solid and seemingly unchanging part of my life. But the silver lining is that sooner or later I'll see him again, tall and straight as he was before being shot and long years of hard work, and I'm sure he'll have that same quiet manner, with the occasional glint of mischief in his eye, and probably not slowing down much. Ever.

Ok, Ok, I'll do it...

So like a million people (ok, only five or so) have tagged me on facebook for the 25 things about you thing. And my mom tagged me with something a lot like it, so I'm doing this here cuz my mom isn't on facebook and I'm killing two birds with one stone.

So here we go.

1. I am an awesome cook. Not so much with following recipes, but if I just make stuff up, it's almost always super yummy.

2. Except for my mission, I have read The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings every year for 17 years.

3. I like watching American Idol. Most of the time. The season that Fantasia won was boring as death, but the rest of the time it's pretty good. I'm a big fan of Bo Bice, Chris Daughtry, and David Cook.

4. When I graduated from high school I could bench press 340 pounds, dead-lift 500, and squat about 650. Now I cannot. :)

5. When I got my mission call (on April 1st, 1999) I almost gave my grandma a heart attack by telling her I had been called to a 4 year service mission to mainland China. I also pissed off my then girlfriend by telling her my Army Reserve unit had been mobilized to Kosovo. Perks of getting your call on April fools...

6. I once thought I'd wrestle and run track at college (if I ever went). I even got a letter from BYU's wrestling team, but I was anti-BYU back then, and wanted to wrestle at Ricks (now BYU Idaho) because they were a big feeder program for the big wrestling schools. I don't wrestle any more...

7. I did not think in a million years I would marry someone like Nicole.

8. I did not think in a billion years I could be so happily married to someone so unlike me.

9. I've been playing the guitar off and on for about 15 years. Someday I'll have the time to play a lot and get good again.

10. I'm a very good shot. Being at BYU has put a hold on lots of shooting, but I'll graduate soon and restock my gun collection.

11. I believe strongly in the right to keep and bear arms. It is the one non-religious thing I will never back down on.

12. I love Hawaii. A lot. I'm gonna live there some day. (hopefully)

13. I like hot weather. A lot. My optimal range starts at about 85 and so far as I have experienced doesn't have a ceiling. After my first winter in Toronto (almost 2 month stretch where it never got above -10C) I swore I'd never complain about heat again.

14. As mentioned earlier, I was once very much anti-BYU. When I moved to Provo, the 2 things I did _not_ want to do were go to BYU and live in BYU-approved housing. I have since repented. There's nowhere I would have rather gone to school, and I met my dear Nicole in BYU-approved housing.

15. I'm a big fan of fast cars. Musclecars, rice-rockets, as long as it's fast I dig it. Making it go fast is almost half the fun.

16. I don't go anywhere without at least one pocketknife, a lighter, and a sharpening stone.

17. I wear boots. Corcoran boots. I'm cool with spending $125 on a pair of boots that will last as long as these do. My last pair lasted over 6 years and easily several thousand miles.

18. I like road-tripping. With the windows down, and the music loud (yes even in the summer my AC is fresh air at 70 mph).

19. According to Nicole, I'm dead inside. I've cried once and a half times since 1990. I think I'm just not a big crier.

20. I've broken my nose 6 times. In the winter time my nose is always cold, and it's a rare day when one nostril or the other isn't clogged at least a little.

21. I'm a recent fan of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series.

22. Like Star Wars I do. Learn much from it, one can. Being totally serious, I am.

23. Pain is not a deterrent to fun for me. I think my pain receptors are slightly broken from overuse. I've broken 2 bike helmets, had numerous cracked ribs, and a _lot_ of road/dirt/rock rash. I don't care. For most things, if you can't get hurt doing it, it isn't all that fun.

24. Despite being a redneck, I can appreciate "civilized" stuff. Given a song or two, I can name the show to 99% of Nicole's favorite Broadway songs.

25. I really like to build stuff. I will someday own a wood and machine shop. With a hoist. And a forge. I'm totally serious.

Wordless (on my part) Wednesday: So he didn't get all the young punk burned out of him after all...